Or is one of them a bit more on the heavy side?
Creating good results is absolutely irrelevant if you are not being present in your life.
For many years – as in A LOT of years, I was on the hunt for results. I only felt good enough when I was creating results – when I was performing.
It also meant that my self-esteem was deeply dependent on the quality of the results that I created.
If I had periods where I didn’t sell anything in my business, or periods where I didn’t know what my next step was – then I felt inept and not at all good enough.
My self-esteem had hit rock bottom. When I, on the other hand, created crazy results, sold a lot of products, made a difference to my customers (and took responsibility for their success), THEN – THEN, I felt good enough.
It became a quest of constantly producing results.
Because if I didn’t create something or performed – who the hell was I?
Then, nothing would matter.
Or at least that’s what I thought …
Specifically, this meant that I was going at it with 100 miles per hour.
I was out running two days after my first son’s birth (which had taken 38 hours).
I don’t know what I was thinking back then – it is quite unbalanced and vulnerable for me to share.
I began having customers again 1 month after he was born – because I just couldn’t sit there without creating results (back then I couldn’t see that just being a mother in itself is one of the biggest power performances) ).
I hustled and bustled and slaved away.
Took one education after another.
Composed a new product after another.
I was constantly available to my customers.
I was pleasing like there was no tomorrow.
Just to feel good enough.
This is what I did for many years, and I am not really proud to admit it, but it is the “cruel” truth – hehe.
Life was passing by me right before my eyes, and I was not present, because I was so busy pleasing others and my ego.
I had the nicest family, but was not present when I was with them, because I had to create results (to feel good enough).
It was completely off.
Gradually, however, it dawned on me that this way of life could in no way continue.
Because hey – why create a lot of results, be there for my customers, ox around for others, if I didn’t even have time to enjoy my own children, and be present in my own life.
I, especially, remember one day where my middle one was yanking my trousers, saying mommy, mommy, mommy – while I was busy answering an email from a customer.
Right there … Right there, I decided that I had reached the limit.
If I couldn’t manage to create a lifestyle where there was room for both my passion AND my children AND myself AND my husband, then I’d rather not have a business.
Multitasking is not really doing any of it well.
I’ve always thought it was a little cool that I’m so good at multitasking.
Until it dawned on me that I am not present in some of the things I do, when trying to do more things at once.
Playing with the kids AND answering mails at the same time – it is simply so stupid.
I know that having a balance between the work life and private life is really difficult for many self-employed people.
When they are with their children, they think about what they “should” do in the company.
When they are working, they think that they “should” be more with the children.
If you recognize this, then know that I understand how you feel 100 percent.
Also know that nobody is benefitting from this, and that only you can change this pattern.
Because it’s just a pattern.
And patterns can be changed.
You can decide to be 100 percent present in your life
Especially, when you are with your family, you can:
- Put your phone away.
- Turn off your phone.
- Don’t bring your phone with you if you are going out.
- Make a to-do list before you leave your desk, so that you don’t have any loose ends.
- Remind yourself that life is happening right here, right now
Specifically, when you work, you can:
- Decide mentally that now, you are working – and that you have to think about the kids later.
- Make a to-do list of the tasks you would like to finish (be realistic) and then jump into it.
- Be productive and present in your work – it will make it easier for you to be present with your family later.
It is really about allowing yourself to be present in your life, and not hustle and stress around.
Perhaps it is time for you to ask yourself this “What is it you have to accomplish?”
Life is happening right here and now.
Ps. I want to be honest with you. I still think, at times, that the balance can be difficult – and I actually think it’s part of being self-employed – You are passionate and love your work and can quickly be at work all the time in your head – it is not particularly healthy for you or those around you.
Pps. Would you like a business that gives you the freedom to work from anywhere with time for your family and what you dream of – then, this is for you.